HEADS OTAIL

 Our heads; your tale

May 8, 2012

Enthusiastic blowjobs ahead!

 

Hi HOT,

How can I get my girlfriend to be more enthusiastic about giving me blow jobs? Yes, I reciprocate. Yes, I take good care of myself. No, she doesn’t have any emotional trauma around giving head (I’ve asked). She just kind of puts out the minimum of effort and tries to get it over with quickly, which makes it less enjoyable for me. When I ask why, she says, “It’s just not my favorite thing.”

– AMC

 

Rake says:

Oh, the old, “How do I get her to give me head” question.  I am surprised we haven’t already answered this publicly.  

Listen AMC, here are some reasons (besides trauma) a woman might not want to go down on you:

1) She’s just as influenced by porn as the rest of us. But in her case she has no interest in having that level of expectation put on her. She wants to distance herself from porn because, let’s be honest:

porn portrays women as elaborate sex robots.

2) If her mindset during sex is “It’s my job to do a good job,” but she doesn’t think she’s good enough, then she wants to stick to what she won’t be judged over.

3) She senses your failure. You’ve asked before, you are asking now. You ask in a way that she recognizes as failure. That reads as weakness, which breeds resentment and anger. And an angry man is something to be avoided for obvious reasons.

4) What she loves during sex is the attention, the reaction or the connection. And if you treat a blowjob the way most guys do–as if you are watching porn but something much better than your hand is doing all the work—then blowjobs aren’t giving her what she wants out of sex.

I’m guessing your sexual encounters usually go something like this: “Hey, I’m going to kiss you and rub you.” Then, “Hey, I’m gonna go down on you now.” Then, “Hey, I’m going to kiss you some more while you rub me.” Then, “Hey, I’m going to stick my penis in you now in one of 3 preset positions.”

If that’s the case, stop it.  Start changing stuff up, change the order, change the options, change the energy.

Next, make talking a part of sex. It WILL be uncomfortable at first if you are not used to doing it. What do you say? If you can’t figure out what to say, fucking narrate with a single person possessive, adding in “I love.” Like,

“I love the way your nipples get hard when I play with them.”

Next, make asking for what you want part of your sex life. Encourage her to get specific with you. You’ve already gotten some talking going, right? So now move up to encouraging some requests. Then (and only then) make some of your own.

Next, every time she touches your cock, give fucking reactions that really tell her you like what she’s doing AND connect with HER. Look her in the eyes, say her name, tell her you love the way her hand feels.

Now, that alone will probably do it.

If not, um See #3 above and make a request now. As if you’ve never mentioned it before and it sounds like a FUCKING NOVEL IDEA NO ONE HAS EVER HEARD OF AND SOUNDS SUPER FUN! Frame it that way so she can feel excited too.

Seem like a lot of work?

Um, re-read it dude. You are having awesome fucking sex through the whole thing!

Ava says:

Six steps to enthusiastic blow jobs on demand:

1. TAKE BLOWJOBS OFF THE MENU for a month. Yes, an entire month. Tell her this.

2. Do what Rake said. ALL OF IT. Explore new territory. Re-introduce yourselves, sexually speaking.

3. During no-blow month, take liquid chlorophyll. You can find it at most natural food markets and supplement stores. That will guarantee that, when you re-introduce the BJs, your cum will have a mild and pleasant flavor. No seriously, it will. It’ll also make any gas that may escape when her face is down yonder less offensive.

4. When the end of the month comes (pun intended), do everything possible to make your dick as attractive as possible. Do some manscaping, wash thoroughly with some cucumber-scented shower gel (research by Alan Hirsch, MD, has suggested that women find the smell of cucumber arousing), and drink a lot of pineapple juice, or better yet, down some fresh pineapple chunks.

5. Start making out with your gal. Get into some heavy petting. Make sure she is all kinds of worked up. Then look her in the eyes and tell her, in your sexiest voice,

“I want you to suck my cock.”

6. The moment her lips touch your dick, start reacting. Show her through your body language, and tell her with your words, just how amazing it feels to have her mouth on you.

If that doesn’t do it, then my guess is that there *is* some trauma around giving head which she has buried down so deep she may not even be aware of it. In which case, if enthusiastic blow jobs are really important to you, some renegotiation, or even a separation, may be in order.