HEADS OTAIL

 Our heads; your tale

Feb 11, 2011

Flirting at work

Dear HOT,

I’m a single gal, early 30’s. There’s this ridiculously hot guy at work who flirts with me constantly, and I flirt right back. Problem is, he also flirts with pretty much every girl in the office.

We have had some, let’s say, close encounters, little moments of intimacy that could easily have led to more if they hadn’t been interrupted. But no actual sex.

Sometimes he seems SO into me, even starts sexting me and leaving little gifts on my desk. But then, out of nowhere, he stops. Doesn’t even say hi to me for days.

WTF is up with this guy?

—Confused About Signals That Often Feel Flirty

 

Ava says:

Ooookay CASTOFF. So you tell us right up front that he flirts with everyone in the office, and yet you are unclear as to what is “up” with him?

Let me spell this out for you. T-E-A-S-E. Yes, that’s right, they’re not just female anymore. This guy is a straight up clit-tease or, to use the more classical term, a hot-and-cold coquette. He turns on the charm just enough to get you hooked, and then denies you satisfaction. He strings you along by playing on your insecurities, making you think perhaps you’ve done something wrong, or are unworthy of the promised prize, while simultaneously playing on your ego because you just. can’t. admit. defeat.

I hate to tell you this, but there’s a reason people keep using that strategy. IT WORKS. It worked on you, and probably on every other broad in the office.

How do you snap out of the coquette’s spell? Simple. You fight fire with ice. He turns on the charm, you turn into the Ice Queen. Be the hardest of hard-to-gets. Make him wonder what *he* did wrong, get him working for *your* attention rather than swooning every time he breathes in your general direction.

—Ava

Cydian says:

He is enjoying what you are enjoying. The flirting. WTF is the problem?

Tell you what, how about you don’t worry about whether or not this guy’s attention actually says something about your value as a woman. You do that, and suddenly you’ll be very clear on whether or not you enjoy the flirtation, whether you want him to step it up, or quit it all together.

And if you discover you both like the flirting, and you want more of it, then try flirting with someone else. Sure, it’ll have the added bonus of making him jealous, but that’s not why you’re doing it. You are doing it because it’s fun to flirt, and it’s dangerous to commit.

Go ahead, try it. I dare you.

—RAKE