HEADS OTAIL

 Our heads; your tale

Feb 14, 2011

I want sex without strings

Dear HOT,

I’m a single male in my late 20’s. I share a house with 3 housemates, all of them female.

What’s been driving me crazy is that these women seem to have exactly the sex life I want for myself. They come home with new guys all the time, have loud monkey sex till dawn, eat a nice breakfast with the dude, and then that appears to be that. Sometimes he is invited back for a repeat performance, sometimes not. No drama, no promises, no messy strings.

My question is, how can I achieve this same string-free existence? Please tell me I don’t need to have a vagina to be a free agent and have good sex with multiple partners in this day and age.

—Sick Of Strings

 

Rake says:

Oh, seriously SOS? You want women to come hop on your junk whenever you ring them up? Rather than take the next 30 pages to explain to you what you would have to do to get that, I think I’ll save us both time and just say, “no.”

Now, instead, try step one, which is just “not needing sex” to the point where you actually have a chance at getting sex. That’s not some Zen shit either. You actually need to give off the vibe that you get booty calls all the time in order to get a single booty call. No one wants to be the one giving it up to the guy who no one else will give it up to. That’s just logic.

You have to realize, SOS, that sex is: animal instinct sublimated

That means that if it weren’t for all this social expectation and rational thought, we’d get sex through violence, trading or posturing. But seduction is still the most thought-free activity we partake in. All of this thinking and comparing and WHINING is really doing you no favors.

So take all of your cerebral, petty, fear-based instincts and ignore them. Substitute calm, assertive energy, very little thought, and a single desire to simply give and receive enjoyable interaction, a.k.a. FUN, all night.

Now, you probably won’t do that. But if you could, you would not even notice that all of a sudden you were getting laid tonight, and Ms. “just got laid by you” would even be happy to come get laid by you again if the sex was also good.

Just FYI.

—Rake

 

Ava says:

I confess that I am sitting here enjoying the idea that, after generations of putting up with the double standard of stud vs. slut, anyone with a vagina is suddenly entitled to a life of blissfully NSA sex, while anyone with a penis is doomed to choose between monotonous monogamy and frustrating celibacy.

Buuut, alas, I know better. The situation you’ve described, SOS, is achievable, and really fucking hard to maintain, regardless of gender. If you doubt me, take a closer look at the goings-on in your house.

Exhibit A: The men who are sleeping with your housemates. If there is, as you claim, no drama and no strings, just great sex and tasty breakfast, that’s a recipe that takes two to achieve. Obviously these guys have figured out something you haven’t if they are getting laid regularly outside of a relationship. Observe their behavior. Try to figure out what they’re doing right. Copy them shamelessly.

Exhibit B: How long have you lived in this house, SOS? Because, seriously, if there are THREE WOMEN living there, all of them extraordinarily sexually active, and NO DRAMA, then one of three things is going on:

  1. You are living in a trans-dimensional portal to a much more advanced civilization;
  2. You are viewing the situation through hard-on colored glasses; or
  3. They have thus far succeeded in keeping you in the dark about the majority of what is really going on.

I’m betting on a combination of 2 and 3.

But regardless of whether or not these girls really have what you’re after, let’s focus on the question of how you get what you think they have?

The answer is deceptively simple, and incredibly difficult. You get game. Period.

—Ava