rape culture

A surefire mens guide to avoid last minute resistance

What if I told you

One of the most controversial areas of attraction coaching is “LMR” technique, or how to overcome “Last Minute Resistance” to sex. And for good reason: while the language and ideology surrounding it are incredibly problematic and, well, “rape-y,” many of the techniques themselves are not only effective in creating a positive sexual experience for BOTH partners, they are actually powerful rape-prevention tactics. That’s right: if done correctly, the right LMR techniques make rape a virtual impossibility.

But first, let’s unpack what’s problematic about LMR. And there’s plenty…

The basic premise of LMR technique is this: you’re making out with a girl. It’s all going swell. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, she starts putting up resistance to the idea of actually having sex. LMR theory teaches you that 1. her resistance is triggered by an archaic biological response, and 2. it’s your job to help her overcome that knee-jerk response so y’all can get your sexy on.

Let’s start with #1: the notion that her resistance is hard-wired into her female “biology.” The way that LMR has been explained by the attraction community up to now is perfectly exemplified in this classic anti-LMR ad from PUA Gareth Jones:

(LMR) is the biology of women kick starting their last-ditch attempts at ASD (Anti-Slut Defense).

This is to say that instincts tell a girl that she’s not ready to have sex yet (after such a short period of time) because of all the hazards it presents to her mind and body:

1. Pregnancy

2. Abandonment

3. Social Repercussions (ie being called a slut)

Rake has already written a brilliant article on slut shaming and what can you do to help women be more comfortable being sexually proactive and render the so-called “Anti-Slut Defense” obsolete, so I’ll skip right over that hot rhetorical mess.

Now then, let’s first acknowledge that this list of “hazards… to her mind and body” is A. entirely rational, and B. incomplete. Women are also at higher risk when it comes to sexually transmitted infections, sexual violence, stalking, abduction, etc., etc., etc. Indeed, Jones refers to these fears as “logical,” even as he describes LMR technique as “methods to get around that obsolete biological response.” So wait, the response is “biological,” (which in this context means hard-wired as opposed to thought-based), but the fears triggered by that response are logical? Mmmmkay.

Look, the reality is that a woman undertakes very real risks every time she has sex, particularly with a new partner. Even if your intentions are as pure as freshly-fallen snow (and let’s be honest, if you’re learning LMR technique they’re probably more like 3-day old snow piled up on the side of the road), even if you take all possible precautions, the risks to her are only reduced, not eliminated.  To dismiss her entirely legit concerns as an “obsolete biological response” is pure sexist bullshit.

“But,” I can hear some of you thinking from across the internetz, “what about irrational fears? Shouldn’t I help her overcome those?”

The truth is that there are are myriad reasons why a woman (or a man, for that matter) might suddenly start feeling and/or acting resistant to the idea of having sex, even after feeling/acting 100% on-board right up to that moment. There are as many reasons for resisting sex as there are reasons for desiring it. And the reason a woman gives for not wanting to have sex may or may not be the actual reason. She may not even be aware of the reason. But that doesn’t make it any less real or compelling for her.

And hey, some of those reasons may be for your benefit as much as for hers. Maybe she has an STI and is too embarrassed to tell you about it. Maybe she’s on her period and she doesn’t want her first time with you to look like a crime scene. Maybe she’s married and trying to keep her husband from coming after you with a gun. Maybe she’s just not that into you and trying to save you both some heartbreak. Maybe she’s far too into you and knows that once she seals the deal, she will never be able to let go, and is trying to save you from having to file a restraining order down the line. Maybe she’s a succubus. You just. don’t. know.

  • The bottom line is: any reasons a person may have for resisting sex, whether you or anyone else deems them rational or right, are valid reasons in the moment and should be respected as such.

Which brings us to #2. The idea that resistance to sex is an obstacle to be overcome, and that your job as a man is to rise to the challenge and talk her out of it, is kinda rapey. It’s based on two flawed premises: 1. your job as a man is to get sex from a woman (whose job it is to protect herself from the consequences of sex), and 2. any sex, even grudging, one-sided sex, is better than no sex.

  • And that, in a nutshell, is the mindset that makes rape culture possible.

Come on, guys! You’re better than that. You don’t need sex. Sure, sex is fun, but so are plenty of other things you could be doing together. So resistance to sex shouldn’t bother you any more than, say, resistance to going out to see a particular movie. Okay, so she’s not in the mood to watch Die Hard 7 right now. *shrug* Let’s see what else is showing.

Here’s what it all comes down to: 

  • The game is not to get women to sleep with you. The game is to get women to want to sleep with you.

The art of attraction is exactly that: it’s about inspiring attraction toward a particular person at a particular time. Because here’s something else that might blow your mind:

  • You don’t need to make a woman want sex. Women already want sex.

That said, you may need to inspire a woman to want to have sex with you, at this particular time and in this particular circumstance.

And how do you do that?

Here’s where the actual LMR technology comes in. And it turns out that a lot of it, despite being couched in the rhetorical awfulness we’ve just unpacked, is dead-on.

Let’s take a look at Jones’ 3-step approach:

STEP 1: Say NO to sex before she does! You’re in the drivers seat, not her!

[…]Pre-emptive measures are those that we dispense in order to combat even the thought of her needing to reject us.

For instance, if you tell a girl she has to sleep on the couch, or that you have work early in the morning, it will subconsciously register as a sort of rejection. […] In this case, I flat-out told her that I wouldn’t have sex with her because she’d already had too much to drink.

This is simply a more specific form of disqualification. You are disqualifying yourself as someone who is going to push a sexual agenda, thereby taking the pressure off of her to decide whether or not to accept your advances.

“But that’s dishonest!” some of you are probably thinking. And yeah, the specific tactics Jones lists here are kinda dishonest. But you don’t need to lie about your intentions in order for this tactic to work. You just need to change your intentions.

Instead of saying you have to go to work early, or that you think she’s too drunk to fuck, how about just letting her know that sex is not your #1 priority by expressing enthusiasm for something else you would genuinely enjoy doing.

Let’s say you’ve been making out all the way home. The moment you get in the door, she’s expecting the action to escalate. So instead, you say, “Oh hey, there’s this video you absolutely have to see!” or “I’m starving, let’s go make a snack,” or whathaveyou. Anything that takes pressure off and lets her know you’re not dead-set on getting laid tonight.

The more sincere the enthusiasm for the new activity, the more thorough the focus-shift, the more effective this tactic will be.

STEP 2: Show her that you’re NOT horny or desperate and she’ll be all over you!

This is the standard Freeze-Out Technique we’ve all read about in The Game, the purpose of which is to turn her on a bit and stop when she says no, leaving her, essentially, stewing in her own juices. […]

When she said “no“, I stopped, rolled over, and checked my phone.

She asked me, “You’re mad, aren’t you?

I replied, “No. I’m not mad, I just respect when a woman says no. Don’t worry. We’re not having sex tonight, anyway.

Big smile. She starts fooling around again.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

This one is all about attitude. And frankly I would argue that Jones was not quite nailing it if his Person In Question (PIQ) was in any way concerned that he was mad.

The key here is to back the fuck off both physically and emotionally. No pouting. No pressure of any kind. You simply accept, wholly and cheerfully, that sex is not happening right now. And you continue to enjoy her company.

And again, I’m not a fan of the disingenuous, “Don’t worry. We’re not having sex tonight.” You could just as easily say, “Don’t worry. I just love hanging out with you.” Or kissing you. Or cuddling with you. Or watching bad movies with you. Or whatever you actually enjoy doing with this person other than the horizontal mambo.

If, on the other hand, there is genuinely nothing you enjoy doing with her aside from getting your rocks off, then you need to aim higher, my friend. And you need to let her go find someone who values all that she has to offer.

“But what if she gives me a specific reason she’s putting the breaks on? Isn’t that my cue to offer a counter-point?”

Nope. It’s definitely your cue to listen and let her know she’s been heard, but not to Svengali her out of it. Now, you don’t have to agree with her reasoning, of course, but arguing will get you nowhere. The best way to assuage her fears and reassure her of your good intentions is by simply respecting her boundaries and treating her like someone who knows what the fuck she wants and doesn’t want.

That said, if you have additional data you think will help her make an informed decision, feel free to share it. Just realize that she is under no obligation to change her mind because of it.

“What if she says no, but everything about her body language and behavior runs counter to that no? Should I pay attention to her words or to her actions?”

You should pay attention to both, and you should back the fuck off. Because–and I’m going to say something now that is probably going to get me into a lot of trouble: it’s true that women have been known to say “no” and mean “yes.” *Gasp!* But guess what? The solution remains the same: take the pressure off, and she’ll be more willing to say and show you that underlying yes. Keep pushing and that coy, insincere “no” is increasingly likely to turn sincere. Stay playful and insouciant, see her “no” as just another enjoyable aspect of foreplay, and she’ll be far more likely to keep the game going and pushing things forward on her own.

  • The bottom line is, regardless of why a woman is saying “no,” the most effective response (which, conveniently, is also the only ethical one) is to stop what you’re doing and give her some space. Chances are, as soon as you do, she will start reaching back toward you.

And if she doesn’t? There’s a reason. A reason you don’t need to know, and may not even want to know.

So let it go, man. Just let it go.

To sum up: sexual resistance is not a dragon to be slain. It’s just an emotion. And like any other emotion, the more you fight it, the stronger it becomes. Resisting resistance only makes it more powerful, as Rake explained in his article on The Not-Okay-No Effect. Resistance is foiled only by genuine acceptance. Accept the no. Embrace the no. Only then can the no become a yes. 

acceptance-road-sign

STEP 3: Always, Always, ALWAYS spend at least 20 minutes to 30 minutes of FOREPLAY on her!

The purpose of this last stage of Anti-LMR is to turn her on so much, that she’s not using her logical mind. All the, “Will I get pregnant?” and “Does this make me a slut?” thoughts are gone and she is only doing what her body tells her is good for her.

In this case, her body will want as much of me as possible, and I’ll tell you why.

After all the thoughts were stirred and all my cards were on the table, I told her I was completely fine just kissing her.

She told me she wouldn’t even take off her shirt and I told her that was totally cool by me, but did that mean all skin showing was fair game?

Yes,” She said. I then proceed to:

  1. I kissed her neck and down across her collar bone.
  2. Over her tank-top strap and down her arm.
  3. I kissed down her upper-arm and began to nibble at the inside of her elbow.
  4. She exhaled, heavily. “Okay, I’m turned on.
  5. She quickly pulled off her tank-top.
  6. I had a much larger playing field, but I still had to take it slow.

I’ll spare you the details, but there was a lot of inner-thigh licking and nibbling and blowing cold air over warm, wet spots and suddenly, she was begging for me to get inside of her.

I told her, several times, that, “I’m not going to fuck you because I made a promise to you.”

Pretty soon she was on top of me, grinding her pubic bone against me and peeling off the rest of her clothing.

The more I said “No”, the more she begged.

After I finally knew she wasn’t doing it to prove a point, I let her have it and, four orgasms later, we moved to the other bed in the room (hotel, of course), on account of having destroyed the first one.

Once again, we have some seriously yucky underlying theory here. The idea that you are trying to get her to stop “using her logical mind” suggests that women have no logical reason for wanting sex, only physical/biological urges. The deeply disturbing implication of this is that women A. are irrational creatures whose bodies are working against their best interests, and B. must be tricked into having sex because, logically, they should not even want it.

Thanks, rape culture!

Look, as discussed above, women do have logical reasons to be wary of sex. But they also have plenty of perfectly sound reasons to want sex. Probably the same ones you have. It is as unnecessary as it is unethical to purposefully cultivate a state of mind in which a woman will work against her own best interests to satisfy some mysterious, unspecified biological imperative. It’s also a bunch of pseudo-scientific nonsense.

Instead, try starting from the assumption that she wants sex just as much as you do. That she desires and enjoys sex immensely, and that it therefore IS in her best interests to have sex, provided she desires it right now and with you. Which is where the actual technique described here comes in.

These are pretty standard, time-tested seduction tactics. You simply move more slowly than she’s expecting you to, gratify her physically and emotionally, and express explicit enjoyment of what’s already happening every step of the way. Not only do you never push her to go further, you continually pull back, giving her the opportunity to chase you, to bring you back, to keep that forward momentum going herself. Only then do you know for sure that you have a woman’s genuine, enthusiastic consent.

Once again, though, Jones pushes the reverse-psychology to an unnecessarily dishonest, integrity-eroding point by insisting that he isn’t going to fuck her because he “made a promise” and repeatedly telling her “no.” That kind of charade will break down trust over time and is likely to lead to morning-after regrets. It also perpetuates the idea that it’s okay to disrespect or ignore a person’s sexual resistance, which is exactly what we’re trying to correct here.

Happily, you can achieve the same effect by simply focusing on how much you’re enjoying what’s already happening. Tell her how much you love that little noise she makes when you kiss her neck. Tell her you could spend all night just running your fingertips over her skin. If she tells you she wants you inside of her (and if you’re doing it right, there’s a very high likelihood of that occurring), respond with something along the lines of,

“But I haven’t even gotten to _______ you yet,” or simply, “What’s the rush? I’m just warming up…”

See? No need to lie. No need to go back on a “promise.” All you need is patience.

As Dex put it in The Tao of Steve,

“Girls want it fifteen minutes later than guys, so if you hold out for twenty, she’ll be chasing you for five.”

And that, my friends, is the opposite of rape-y.

Backlash of the Titans

Well, it’s been an exciting couple of days here at The Attractive Arts.

So that blog post Rake wrote about rape culture? He cross posted it on another site, where it spontaneously sprouted a comment thread for the ages.

There was, of course, the obligatory defender-of-the-Masculine, calling himself “Naked_***,” who immediately started in with gems like this:

“We men should just declare National-Rape-Day where everyone fucks whoever he really wants. Get it out of our systems on that day, remind women what men are really like inside of their heads, and then the rest of the year, be the flaccid replicas of animals with excess testosterone that the women want us to be.”

Oh, and this little beauty:

“There are two types of animals on this world: predators and prey.

I am a predator, and hormones naturally coursing through my body make me that way. I will not apologize for this natural state any more than a lion would apologize for preying on a gazelle for dinner. My natural state is to mate with and impregnate as many women as possible. […]

Women who deny this fact about men are stupid / vastly misinformed.”

My favorite thing about that quote? The fact this His Nakedness is unaware that lions don’t actually hunt. Anyone who’s ever watched Nat Geo Wild can tell you that it’s the lionesses who bring home the bacon, or rather the gazelle meat. Chew on that, Naked Lion.

Anyway, suffice it to say that it was some of the most blatant rape-apologist bullshit imaginable. Unsurprisingly, a number of women immediately went on the counter-attack, myself among them. The debate raged on between Nakedthingy and various women, throughout the thread.

Meanwhile, man after man showed up to criticize Rake for various things, roughly falling into 2 categories:

1. Those who were offended by their perception that he was calling them morons, lumping them in with rapists, talking down to them, etc.

2. Those who missed the joke and believed Rake himself to be the kind of misogynist who thinks getting laid is the very most important reason to fight rape culture.

With the exception of Rake himself, and one other dude who briefly chastised The Naked Douche early on, NOT A SINGLE ONE of these men felt the need to turn that all that righteous indignation against the actual misogynist asshat in their midst.

It was enough to make me wish I had created Naked_###’s profile as a test of sorts, to see how they would react when actually confronted by the kind of scary shit we women deal with on a daily basis.

Finally, when some jerkoff had the nerve to say that Rake’s point was “obvious,” I had to speak up.

“Apparently it isn’t so obvious,” I wrote, “This entire comment thread is a case-in-point. Note how many men are spending a lot of energy attacking the OP for his tone (which is clearly intended to be funny/satirical), and how few of them are attacking the guy who is spewing a bunch of rape-justifying bullshit all over the thread (answer: 2).”

This in turn inspired a rather nasty backlash of angry men who felt that by pointing out what had just occurred (and no one could dispute that it had, the evidence was right there in front of them), I was personally calling out each and every man on the thread as being a rape apologist.

Some of their comments were reactive-but-rational, like the guy who pointed out that we women were doing a fine job of ripping Nakedface a new one on our own, and to butt in would have been patronizing “white-knighting.”

For the record: it wouldn’t have. There’s a big difference between fighting someone’s battles for them and giving a show of support so they know they’re not in it alone. Observe:

“Hey Naked Brute, you leave these poor women alone!” = patronizing.

“Hey Naked Guy, your argument is invalid” = not patronizing.

“Hey, [name of specific woman], you are spot-on in your critique of Big Naked Baby’s argument” = not patronizing. Supportive. And pretty damn sexy.

Then there was the guy who vehemently defended his choice to offer the author some constructive criticism (he was one of those who felt the article was itself misogynistic) rather than engage with a flame-thrower. Fair enough. Indeed, he was one of the most intelligent, well-spoken fellows on the thread, so I was deeply disturbed when he claimed that he felt Naked dude’s arguments were “self-refuting” and that to respond to his posts would be to give them undue credibility.

Ouch. Thanks for making all us women who felt compelled to argue against his offensive, dangerous, and frighteningly commonly-held notions feel like idiots.  Oopsie! Silly women, lending undue credibility to the pop-biology crap we’ve been hearing ALL OUR LIVES as the reason we must constantly be on guard so as not to arouse a sleeping dragon, blah blah blah. Good thing we have such smart fellas around to point out the real problem here!

What was that again? Oh yeah, that the author is talking down to rape apologists, using a harsh tone, and making a meta-joke about bro-culture that some of you found un-funny.

Whew, thank GAWD you set us straight!

And finally, there was the guy who went straight to the personal attacks, none of which were fit for re-print, here or anywhere, but which basically boiled down to:

“Shut up, you ignorant slut.”

Yup, no misogyny here, folks! Guess there was no reason for Rake to have written that article after all.

Anyway, all that got me thinking about how often this same pattern plays out: guy goes out of his way to stand up for a person or group of people being persecuted, other guys descend on him like rabid wolves while completely ignoring, or even defending, the persecutor.

A personal anecdote from a recent social gathering at a friend’s home:

Guy who’d had one too many beers (henceforth OTMB) started giving a footrub to an attractive gal in a skirt (henceforth AGIAS). AGIAS had consented to the footrub, so all was good. At first. But then OTMB started moving his hands up her legs. She said, loudly enough for everyone nearby (myself included) to hear, “Woah, slow down there, Cowboy. That’s not my foot.” The interaction now had my attention, as well as the attention of a few other people, both male and female.

A couple of minutes later, I noticed his hands wandering up her leg again. I saw her attempt to physically move the hand, but OTMB persisted. Again, AGIAS chastised him in an increasingly impatient voice. I exchanged looks with some of the other women in the area. We could all tell that she was getting really uncomfortable, so even though I didn’t know her, I came over and said, “Hey, can I borrow her for a minute?”

He gave me the fuckoff look and said, “I’ve only done one side.”

“I think she’ll live,” I said. But he just kept going, and by this point AGIAS was starting to look frightened.

Just as I was trying to come up with a better exit strategy, a guy (also someone I didn’t know) intervened. He walked right up and said to OTMB,

“That’s it: hands off.”

He physically removed OTMB’s hands from AGIAS’s legs, giving me an opportunity to escort her to the back porch, where she thanked me profusely and asked if I knew who Mr. Awesome back there was.

I had no idea, so after she had regained her composure, we went back inside to find out.

Now, I didn’t necessarily expect that anyone would’ve handed him a medal in our absence or anything, but I figured he would at least get a few hearty pats on the back. Instead, we walked back into a shitstorm of epic proportions. He was surrounded by a group of angry men (including the host), telling him that his behavior was “uncalled for,” his manner too harsh, his intervention unnecessary. A few salient quotes I recall:

“You could’ve just told him to back off. You didn’t have to lay hands on the guy.”

“He’s a good guy, he’s just had a little too much to drink. He’s not some rapist.”

“It’s not like we didn’t see what was happening. We were watching to make sure things didn’t get out of control.”

All his detractors had different complaints/justifications, but all we could hear was:

“Dude, you are making us look bad! Cut it the fuck out!”

Meanwhile, OTMB was simply ignored. He was sitting on the couch, pouting, and drinking yet another beer.

At first, we were so shocked we didn’t know what to say. Finally, we (and a few other women), tried to intervene on his behalf. We were largely ignored as well, except by Mr. Awesome, who thanked us, checked in with AGIAS to make sure she was okay,  and then continued to argue with the other dudes.

Sometimes, this is what rape culture looks like.

It doesn’t have to look like a bunch of dudes sitting around talking about the bitches they want to fuck and high-fiving one another, and it doesn’t have to look like villagers throwing stones at a married woman who was raped because technically she was “committing adultery.” Sometimes it just looks like a bunch of men so busy with the all-important task of defending their own egos that they stand around arguing with the good guy while the bad guy is violating women right under their noses.

No, I don’t think every guy in that thread who failed to intercede is a rape apologist. No, I don’t think every guy who defended their drunk friend at that party is in favor of rape. But I think their behavior warrants consideration, mostly their own.

As I said to one of my more rational detractors:

“I never made mention of motives, as I have no way of knowing what those could be. All I know is that it happened. As to why it happened, that’s a question for you to ask yourself.”

 

———————————————————————

Note: all quotes slightly altered to protect the identities.  I only changed articles like “the” and “a”

Hey bro, I know why you’re not getting laid

Note: In response to literally hundreds of posts from people who don’t understand I must now issue the following disclaimer…
(Thank you to the hundreds of people who do get it.):
 
This post is satire and rhetoric meant to illustrate a point.  It is also directed at a particular audience, a bro-culture “guy” who does support a rape culture by action or inaction. That list is actually most guys whether they know it or not. It does not mean, however, that the guy I am referring to on this thread is you.
 
It also does not mean that most guys support rape itself or are rapists, if you think that, look up the word “culture.”
 
(Note: I actually care about facts, so if something below doesn’t seem right just prove it and I’ll change it.  That said, read the fucking article anyhow, don’t be a dick.)
 

How tolerating the rape culture is keeping your dick dry
by Cydian Rake

This post is addressed to the dudes in the crowd. All you ladies might want to leave the room, because I’m going to try my best to talk to these guys just like I see them talk to each other in the movies.

OK dude, have all the ladies left?

Good. *Ahem*

You are a fucking moron.

No shit, you are actually making things harder on yourself and every other guy out there who is trying to get laid.

Yeah, YOU!

Every time you are a misogynist, an angel closes her legs.

Every time you think to yourself that the careful etiquette that women (and men) are trying to create in order to combat the rape culture is just a bunch of feminist nonsense, women everywhere are that much less inclined to go out, and that much less likely to wear something sexy when they do.

Every time you fail to make eye contact with a woman you are sexing up, every time you fail to notice that a woman isn’t having such a great time, every time you fail to speak up when you see a woman looking uncomfortable with another dude, somewhere a woman decides that she just isn’t that into sex.

Every time you whistle at a woman walking down the street, or grab ass on someone without getting permission from her lips (or *at least* from her eyes), every time you speak to a woman like she owes you sex, or take the easy way and make a really bad rape joke at the expense of your audience member (Yes, Tosh, I’m looking at you), and every time you stand by and watch that shit happen, or even defend the douchebag who did it, somewhere else a woman says no to a man, gets an unexplained headache, or asks to be taken home early.

Eventually, that man will be you. And you will believe that her rejection of you is unjust, and you will probably think, or even say, unkind things about her to your friends, or even to her face.

But YOU, you fucking moron, YOU are doing this to yourself.

And I can already see you thinking to yourself all manner of absolute childish tripe and justification after sophomoric justification about how this is “just how women are”:

  • • They are aloof, they are cold, they are callous, they enjoy breaking men down and making them beg.
  • • OR: They are just being drama queens; the 1 in 4 rape statistic is exaggerated, it’s really 1 in 14.  As if it matters which terrifying statistic is true.  Like semantics is going to somehow make it all OK.
  • • OR: They are confused, they don’t know what they want, they need a big strong man to make the decision for them.
  • • OR: They just don’t like sex as much as men do, so you have to trick them into it or you’ll never get laid.
  • • OR: All they had to do was not walk in that part of town, not wear that outfit, not be such a tease, count to ten and spin around three times.
  • • OR: They all want sex but are ashamed to admit it, so they need you to convince/coerce/cajole them into it so they can be relieved of the responsibility of wanting it. See? You were really raping those ladies for their own good. What a generous guy.

Even if any of the above is true, you can’t do something about other people can you?  But we CAN do something about ourselves, and we are lucky enough to be the gender that everyone seems to look to to make the first move.

So, I am going to do you a favor right now.

Now this is only a favor if you can be man enough to shut the fuck up, sit down and read this as if you cared to understand what it is really like for a woman.

Men, you overpower women by sheer muscle mass, your general weight is 60 lbs heavier by average, and as a combat specialist for 10 years I can tell you the honest truth about fighting: weight is almost everything.

Women walk around scared. Every. Fucking. Day.  Now I am aware that you all walk around a bit scared too because, whether you admit it or not, you are scared of being rejected or humiliated, since you are EXPECTED to be the one to put yourself out there and make yourself vulnerable.  But women–the lucky bitches–women get approached all the time! Right?

Women get approached because they are viewed as targets!

As in: men like to hunt them.  Usually the hunt ends in a conversation and a nice time, but sometimes it ends in blood.  Lip blood, vaginal blood, sometimes dead cold drying blood.

Yes, that is what it’s like for a woman.  Walking around terrified all the time that a man might just arbitrarily decide to hurt you, and there’s not a goddamn thing you can do about it. Women LONG for a man, partially for protection, but EVERY man is a threat until proven otherwise, and all they have for weapons is their social intelligence, a rape whistle, and a hope.

Now, why the fuck should you care?

Man, even if you are the most shallow guy in the world who just wants a pussy, ass or mouth to wet your dick in, you should care. Because the rape culture is making women afraid of you, and of sex in general.

Imagine a world where the CULTURE dictates that men who see any sort of misogyny should put a stop to it right away.

Where any man who sees some sort of excessive force takes action with equal force to put an end to it.  Where fucking cops don’t spend their efforts convincing women it’s not worth fighting for justice.

Where the reaction from friends and family is not accusation and disparagement (“Are you SURE that’s what happened? You’re not just overreacting/dramatizing/mis-remembering? This is a man’s life we’re talking about here!).

Where a woman’s character is not pilloried because she was unlucky enough to be victimized. (“She was wearing a MINI SKIRT.” “She had been DRINKING.” “She flirted with him in front of everyone!” “She slept with half the neighborhood, why should we believe that lying slut?”)

In that world?  IN THAT FUCKING WORLD?!

In a world where those who have the most power actually exercise it by–at the VERY LEAST–refusing to stay silent when they hear some dude telling a woman she is a bitch for not sleeping with him. All it takes is four simple words:

“That’s not cool man.”

In THAT world, you would get laid all the time.

WHY?

Because women LOVE SEX.

They actually love it more than you do. They want men (or women) to fuck them.  A lot.  And IN THAT WORLD, many of them would not even be all that picky about a quickie.

And even though most of you reading this are not rapists and most have not even accidentally misunderstood a signal and gone too far; it’s not your actions I am talking about here.  It is your inactions that are REALLY fucking things up.

So why make a change?

1) Do it for the children.
Some reports show as high as 70% of all rapes are by an immediate family member.  By making rape not OK anywhere, you give more options to those who wish to report abuse by their own family.

2) Do it for your fellow men who are raped
Yeah, even men are raped and a culture where people look the other way allows that to happen to anyone.

3) Do it for your mom
If 25% of women have been sexually assaulted in some way, then there is a decent chance that your own mom has been raped, Dude. Your own mom. But let’s say you hate your mom. What about your little sister? Or your second-grade teacher? Or your best female friend from elementary school. Chances are, some woman who has made a positive impact on your life has been or will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime. Chew on that for a while.

4) Do it for your self-respect
You know what is right.  Just because you’ve spent a lifetime kowtowing to whatever Alpha attitude happens to be running the table at the moment, doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it. Want to sleep better than you ever have? Want more genuine self-confidence? Put a stop to an injustice and stand up for your convictions.

5) Do it for your penis
Have you been paying attention? Not only will changing the culture make women more likely to spread their thighs for you, changing your attitude will do the same. That’s right, being RESPECTED is a serious turn-on, and integrity is fucking hot.

So the next time I see even one of you assholes make another disparaging comment about women, or respond to “I was raped” with “What were you wearing/doing/drinking/WHATEVER?”, or fail to stop some creep from making a woman uncomfortable, expect me to step in and stop YOU.

Because honestly, Asshole: you’re fucking it up for me.

Be like these guys instead:
http://austin.culturemap.com/newsdetail/07-12-12-14-37-the-best-response-weve-heard-to-daniel-toshs-misquoted-rape-jokes/
http://www.pcar.org/men-against-sexual-violence-masv
http://www.outsidethebeltway.com/teenage-rape-victim-will-not-be-held-in-contempt-for-naming-her-attackers/
http://www.hcs.harvard.edu/hmar/
http://www.rapeis.org/activism/prevention/menagainstrape.html
http://marcnc.blogspot.com/
http://www.mencanstoprape.org/
http://www.menstoppingviolence.org/
http://www.nomas.org/
http://www.thedadman.com/
http://www.jamesontriplett.com/2012/04/25/i-stand-for-respect/
http://www.jacksonkatz.com/

 

Yeah, that’s right, the fact is that plenty of men reading this are already doing their best. And we really need you in order to stop the real evil predators out there.

And some of you could do more.  I find more that I can do all the time.  Even just in writing this I’ve learned a few more things I can do.  But I, alone, making a change will make no difference if you go out tonight and let your friend tell another dumb blonde joke, or brag that he hooked up with some chick who was so wasted she passed out halfway through.

The culture is shifting.  Be ahead of the curve. Re-read the 5 points listed above, go out tonight and put a stop to it.

Like a man.

 

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