Avoid being mean, nasty, or negging online

Congrats! Someone thought you were worth the trouble to send you to us to improve your on-line dating chops. They could have just ignored you, and they were probably tempted. Instead they sent you here.

First, please turn the volume knob down on your pride for a few. It’s going to object, and it’ll be hard to hear us. You can turn it back up soon.

What went wrong:

Something you wrote came across as mean, nasty, or negging.

Negs when done correctly are playful ribbings that break down barriers and create a good kind of tension, but they require subtlety of expression and so are nearly impossible to pull off online. Minus facial expression and energy, a neg is just an insult.

And insults don’t make people want to see more of you.

HIM: Hi
ME: You’re cute and all but I’ma need more than one word.
HIM: Hi there.
ME: Le sigh
HIM: Yeah, you just kinda seem internet cliché Burning Man boring.
ME: That the best neg you could come up with or are you just a genuinely unkind human being?

Come on now. Don’t be a dick.

What you should do instead:

Play nice. No, you don’t have to shower your PIQ in compliments (which we don’t recommend), and you don’t have to walk on eggshells to avoid giving offense. But do write messages intented to make the PIQ’s day better, not worse.

Does an online neg ever work? When it’s conveyed in a playful way, with your kind intention shining through, then yes.

We like these:

“All black at the beach? You must be from Seattle. 😉 ”

“Do you always dress like a sexy Muppet to go dancing, or only on special occasions?”

But this is an advanced maneuver, so when in doubt, refrain!

Now… get back in the ring and play some more! We wish you good game!

Sincerely,

Two Girls On Dating


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