Avoid a scripted, dull opening message

Congrats! Some Person in Question PIQ thought enough of you that rather than just not answer your note, they sent you to us for a bit of help.

Check in with your ego, please. Just set it aside for a few moments. You can have it back when we’re done here.

What went wrong:

You used a boring-yet-standard script. It’s not a heinous act and you’re not a bad person, but it’s dull and the PIQ has heard it before. A lot.

Hi, I’m [name]. How are you? How’s your weekend so far? I’ve been [activity intended to impress]. Message me back if you’d like to [typical first-date activity] sometime.

Look, we understand why this approach seems like a good idea to some guys. They probably think it comes off as friendly, conversational, and straight-forward.

They probably think that since they aren’t blatantly hitting on us, it puts us at ease.

They are wrong.

  1. The message is presumptuous We didn’t ask for your name. We didn’t ask what you are doing this weekend. And we aren’t going to recipocate with our plans or feelings because WE DON’T KNOW YOU YET. You are giving us unasked-for details, not offering real conversation. It’s generic. Has nothing to do with us.
  2. The message is one-sided You’re not saying anything genuinely intriguing but are making small-talk. Like a schizophrenic in an elevator, carrying on an impassioned two-way exchange. With yourself. If this is a preview of our first pre-date, we’re going to be dissapointed. All of us.
  3. The message comes across as dishonest We know you don’t care what we did this weekend, or how we’re feeling, or any of the other inane chit-chat questions you toss our way. And why should you? YOU DON’T KNOW US YET. Even if we happen to want to tell you, we find ourselves discouraged by the sense that it’s just one more script. That it’s not personal.

    What you should do instead:

    Don’t assume we’re friends yet. Talk to us as if you don’t know us (but might like to). Tell us what you like about our profile, or say something nice about our pictures (in non hot-and-steamy ways unless we’ve indicated we want the dirty, k?).

    Make your message relevant to us and our profile.

    After all, you contacted us for a reason, yes? Tell us what it is.

    Now… go write some excellent messages! We wish you good game!

    Sincerely,

    Two Girls On Dating


    What is this? You are reading Online Dating Etiquette Tip #123.

    Who are you people? Find out who we are and why we do this.

    Your advice pisses me off! Great! Write to us and give us a piece of your mind.