Don’t be a spam-bot

Congrats! Someone wants to help you win at the game of online dating. They could have just deleted your message. Instead they sent you to folks who want to help you sharpen your skills.

First, can we talk to your pride for a sec? Look man, we get it. You’re just doing your job. But if you don’t pipe down, we won’t be able to do ours. M’kay?

What went wrong:

Your message came off as a template. Meaning it seemed like something you wrote (or found) ahead of time, which is then cut and pasted and sent to everyone you find attractive.

That’s right, you were flagged as an online dating spam-bot.

Now, whether or not you were actually relying on a template is irrelevant. The fact is that it came off that way, and that’s no bueno.

Here is an actual form letter that Ava received:

“Hiya. I was going to cut and paste some pre-typed email, but thought I’d just say hi instead. You must get a gazillion emails a day, but I found your profile.. and you’re very… well, I guess the rest is obvious. Ok, photogenic, and you seem fun and interesting, very interesting…”

How do we know this is a form letter?

Well, even if he hadn’t accidentally cut and pasted the exact same email addressed to two other girls below this one (true story), we would know by the fact that he didn’t even fill out the template properly. But even if the message had read like this:

“Hiya. I was going to cut and paste some pre-typed email, but thought I’d just say hi instead. You must get a gazillion emails a day, but I found your profile really interesting, and you’re very photogenic and seem like a lot of fun. And well, I guess the rest is obvious.”

We would still be suspicious of this message. Why? Because

  • A. It starts off with “I was going to cut and paste some pre-typed email…” which tells me this person often relies on that method. Not a turn-on. And
  • B. It offers NO SPECIFICS.

Words like “interesting,” “fun,” and “photogenic,” could be used to describe anyone any guy would want to write to.

What you should do instead:

Be specific. Your message needs to address the specific Person In Question (PIQ) as an individual.

That means reading their profile carefully and mining it for details you can comment on or ask about.

Look, there’s nothing wrong with using a formula, so long as it’s a winning formula. If you have a template that gets you dates, great. But no template, no matter how clever, will work without adding in some specifics about the PIQ.

Now… get back in the ring and play some more! We wish you good game!

Sincerely,

Two Girls On Dating


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