Getting hot and steamy too fast (or Don’t lead with your dick)

Congrats! Some Person in Question PIQ thought you were worth sending to us for some advice.

Oh, wait — first find your ego. Please set it over there for a few moments so you can hear us more clearly. You can have it back soon.

What went wrong:

You went to the hot-and-steamy sex talk too fast. You might even have been a dick about it. Now, wait — you’re not a bad person, you just jumped the gun a bit.

I wanna lick it front to back all night long baby

We get it: you are super eager to get laid. But listen: this is not a turn-on.

Look: we like sex. A lot. Quite possibly more than you do. But we didn’t express any interest in SEXT-ing with you, so this is too much, too soon.

Here’s an example that might reach you better. Let’s say you love basketball. You can spend hours playing hoops with your buds. One day you’re walking past a court, watching a guy shoot hoops, and as you turn away, he throws the ball at your head. Hard.

Ow! What the hell?

The guy says, why didn’t you catch it? What’s wrong with you? Don’t you like basketball? Sure, you say, but I wasn’t playing it right then, or with you. He starts to whine that he loves the game and he desperately needs someone to play with, and come on, please?

Like that. Get it?

Don’t offer women online physical contact early in the game unless she’s clearly indicated she’s into the SEXTING thing. It’s disturbing. Sometimes creepy. Too soon.

What you should do instead:

There’s a huge difference between telling someone straight out that sex is a priority for you, or that you have a particular orientation (or fetish), and forcing them to engage with you in verbal pornography. One is about self-revelation and the other is about making a stranger part of your sex-play without their consent.

So we advise one of two approaches here. Either wait on the sex talk until after you’ve gotten some buy-in (that’s consent), or say up-front “I’m looking for someone to SEXT (sexy chat/emails) with — you interested?”

We have been asked that straight-out a whole bunch of times and we always respond with a polite message — even it’s no! (And it isn’t always.)

Or, you can just go to a sexy chatroom. That’s what they’re there for!

And remember, if you *do* get a positive response from a straight-up come-on, chances are the person who responded to you is actually a dude.

Now, go out there and get your message on! We wish you good game!


Two Girls On Dating

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